Wow, this was a trip! I normally don't go for stuff that is as violent and bleak as this, but it's wonderfully crafted and it has left me with so many questions I now want answered! Fantastic stuff!
The opening had me. Wow, and the. You sort of crept slowly with the reveal of what’s going on earth, why humans, who the hoke ours were. Good back story. It would be confusing without it. Meeting aliens and the horror, the talking implant, the ending. Yes. This is definitely sci-fi horror and gore. You did well with this piece. I enjoyed it.
I finally got to reading it! I enjoyed the set up and the premise. (I see there are more parts to it so I'll have to check them out.) Love me a good sci-fi.
And feel free to throw any of my critism out as I mainly lean into the darker side of things so my bias will be shifted that way.
First bit that jumped out at me was I don't think it mentioned how long after the shift it's been (could in a future part.) So it felt a little jarring to jump right to the cannibalism. I think it would of helped to draw it out a little, almost like a bullet point timelines, like. Infrastructure shut down, coast lines moved... ect. then eventually landing on the cannibalism.
That being said about the people on people feast. It feels like a means to an end, story telling wise. (again may be more exploration of it in future parts then I'll feel foolish haha.) Like the protagonist only not wanting to work with the people because of it and he describes them as evil. But besides the eating of one another, which sounds like it was out of necessity to some extent you haven't shown they are evil. That intro conversation i think would benefit from being expanded, more interaction between the two. show us more of the evil the protagonist sees.
And a nitpick of mine, I see it in a lot of sci-fi and fantasy. Having little one off sentences that explain something. On one hand, world building is important, but if it's more flavor to what is happening I think the sentences can be replaced with more internal turmoil with the protag. And if it is necessary to know, leave context clues if outright explaining it sounds forced or out of place in natural dialog or internal dialog. Just takes me out of it, like I'm being told something from a teacher if that makes sense haha.
other then those things I think some word or description choices can be fiddled with and expanded. don't be afraid to linger a bit longer on certain things.
I'm hype to check out more in the future. I want to see where this goes.
Wow, this is an absolutely epic read! Had a laugh at the idea of those little alien critters tasting like chai 🤣 such an awesome idea for this story - can't wait to keep reading!
Wow, that ending! The sensory details, the impending dread, *chef's kiss!
omg thank you! That means so much :)
Wow, this was a trip! I normally don't go for stuff that is as violent and bleak as this, but it's wonderfully crafted and it has left me with so many questions I now want answered! Fantastic stuff!
Thanks Graeme! Check out the second installment here: https://open.substack.com/pub/navlysaw/p/the-shift-infestation?r=6d78nu&utm_medium=ios
I’ll be posting one installment every week or so.
Thanks, I enjoyed part 2 immensely, and am excited for part 3
I feel like I got drawn into an interesting show opener, and stayed because the first scene was awesome... good writing!
That was really good. My stomach really turned
Thanks dude!
Awesome Read 👏🏽
The opening had me. Wow, and the. You sort of crept slowly with the reveal of what’s going on earth, why humans, who the hoke ours were. Good back story. It would be confusing without it. Meeting aliens and the horror, the talking implant, the ending. Yes. This is definitely sci-fi horror and gore. You did well with this piece. I enjoyed it.
Thanks dude!!
I finally got to reading it! I enjoyed the set up and the premise. (I see there are more parts to it so I'll have to check them out.) Love me a good sci-fi.
And feel free to throw any of my critism out as I mainly lean into the darker side of things so my bias will be shifted that way.
First bit that jumped out at me was I don't think it mentioned how long after the shift it's been (could in a future part.) So it felt a little jarring to jump right to the cannibalism. I think it would of helped to draw it out a little, almost like a bullet point timelines, like. Infrastructure shut down, coast lines moved... ect. then eventually landing on the cannibalism.
That being said about the people on people feast. It feels like a means to an end, story telling wise. (again may be more exploration of it in future parts then I'll feel foolish haha.) Like the protagonist only not wanting to work with the people because of it and he describes them as evil. But besides the eating of one another, which sounds like it was out of necessity to some extent you haven't shown they are evil. That intro conversation i think would benefit from being expanded, more interaction between the two. show us more of the evil the protagonist sees.
And a nitpick of mine, I see it in a lot of sci-fi and fantasy. Having little one off sentences that explain something. On one hand, world building is important, but if it's more flavor to what is happening I think the sentences can be replaced with more internal turmoil with the protag. And if it is necessary to know, leave context clues if outright explaining it sounds forced or out of place in natural dialog or internal dialog. Just takes me out of it, like I'm being told something from a teacher if that makes sense haha.
other then those things I think some word or description choices can be fiddled with and expanded. don't be afraid to linger a bit longer on certain things.
I'm hype to check out more in the future. I want to see where this goes.
keep it up homie!
I'm actively working on my second draft of this chapter and your advice is monumental dude.
Dude this is so amazing. I’ll be taking all of these notes. Thank you so much!!
This is really interesting! The ending is a great book.
Thank you! I’d love for it to get to book length but we’ll see where it leads!
Wow, this is an absolutely epic read! Had a laugh at the idea of those little alien critters tasting like chai 🤣 such an awesome idea for this story - can't wait to keep reading!
Thank you so much!
Intense.
This hooked me and held my attention throughout. Am looking forward to reading part two.
Thanks! That means so much :) I’m also posting part three by the end of today!